I never thought I'd change for someone, until I realized I already had
I’m sure you’ve heard the well-worn advice don’t change for anyone, or don’t change who you are for love. And I think that resonates with just about everyone. You might be thinking “I would never do that!”. But I also think we don’t take the time to understand the intricate ways that changing for someone can happen.
You see, I used to think this was SO not me, and omg I would never do such a thing! When I pictured someone changing who they are for someone else I would picture huge drastic obvious changes. I imagined doing things you would otherwise be completely against. A harsh broad statement like “you are so fat, you need to lose weight like yesterday”. Or maybe even a grandiose and sudden desire for a total makeover a la Sandy from Greece.
But there’s this fine line that can have you teetering on this gray area of “good enough”. A line that divides the true you and the you that squishes herself down “just for now”. Sometimes it’s so easy to slip into these little personality get ups that are not quite us but close enough. We aren’t wearing a full mask but perhaps sport a big ole clown nose or a stick on mustache for a little while.
What kind of life do you get when you always shrug your shoulders saying “good enough”, “just this once”, and “oh well might as well”?
I’ll tell you: your life becomes just good enough, or worse. You become so busy going along with everyone else’s flow to make them happy you lose sight of your own flow. You become so lost you don’t even know how to get back or where to start.
Every day snide little comments that slip through in passing are where you can get cut down and not realize the effect it will have. To be honest, on reflection most of the statements that had been made to me in the past are so freaking obvious now. But back then they weren’t.
In each individual instance, it felt like no big deal, just one small thing. No big, right? But those small things add up, and fast. I wasn’t having fun whenever I was around these people anymore, I felt suffocated and ignored. I couldn’t figure out why, at least not until I took a step back.
As soon as I took a step back it was like a breath of fresh air. And that step back turned into moving on. My life didn’t become perfect, but it is starting to shape up to look a lot more like the way I want it to look and not how others do.
If you’re miserable and feel like you’re just floating through life take a good look at the people you surround yourself with. How do they treat you? Upon taking a step back, you may realize you have nothing in common or that they make you feel like dirt more often than not. If that's the case, it's time to question how the relationship fits into your life.
Jim Rohn says, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”, let’s make that a positive equation.